All parents want their children to be strong and able to successfully get through challenging times in their lives. When children feel a sense of inner strength, they are secure and powerful. While we are living in challenging times, they are the best times to help a child build resiliency through developing their social and emotional intelligence. Children with high social and emotional intelligence have a much greater ability to persevere through difficult events and even rebound from them with even greater strength and self-confidence.
One key way children learn about who they are, what they’re capable of, and just how valuable they are is through what their parents, teachers, relatives, and coaches reflect to them. The most important adults in a child’s life are like mirrors to them. They can show children - in their words, attitudes, beliefs, and facial expressions - how resilient they can be and that they have the inner strength to go through anything, even adversity, and thrive from it.
There is one simple and powerful thing that you can do each day to build your child’s resiliency and inner strength: journal for 2-5 minutes at the end of each day about your child. In fact, I encourage you to keep a journal for each of your children. Hide it somewhere in your bedroom or under your mattress. Each night, before you go to sleep, write an entry in the journal that focuses on any time that day that your child displayed a positive attribute or behavior. Pay attention to when they demonstrate/model qualities like courage, determination, perseverance, kindness, a positive attitude, hard work, a big heart, or generosity.
You also want to note when a child has rebounded from a disappointment, faced a fear, hung in there on a tough day, went to school when they were sad or scared, took a stand for someone or some issue, felt difficult feelings, shared vulnerable feelings, did the right thing, gave kindness to someone, shared something, told the truth, did something difficult, was a team player, helped someone in need, studied hard for a test, gave a 100% effort, spoke honestly, or solved a conflict with another person. You could also emphasize what you love about your child.
After a year of making entries in the journal, you can give this journal to your child on their birthday. What an incredible gift to receive! It is important to express to your child, verbally, everything that you write in the journal. In this way, a child hears the affirming comments throughout the year and then gets a journal later in the year on her birthday with all the comments collected in it.
This journal would remind, and reflect back, to your child all the ways s(he) has displayed resiliency and inner strength during that year. Due to evolution and the need to survive, the human brain will focus more on negative things. Our brains are always watching for danger. Children tend to forget what they did well in times of stress. Our brains are wired, through constant repetition, of what we hear and do. Your child could pick up this journal any time they are feeling sad, discouraged, self-critical, or scared and repeatedly be reminded of their inner strength, goodness, and their ability to cope, persevere, and triumph over the obstacles and challenges in their lives.
You could also use an iPhone to read and record the journal entries and then burn them on to a CD. Your child could load them onto their iPod and listen to your voice reminding them of examples of their resiliency and inner strength, as well as what you love about him. Your voice would add a distinctive, meaningful power to the journal entries.
A journal gives your child a sense that you see them and notice them. Children have a strong need to be accurately seen and have what’s seen reflected right back to them. Children have a huge need to be appreciated and affirmed. Finally, children need parents, teachers, and coaches who believe strongly in them. I can’t say enough about the power of belief. Giving your child a journal full of your daily entries would meet all these needs and would be a gift of a lifetime. Even better, in these overly busy times, it only takes 2-5 minutes to write one journal entry per day per child.
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